My Silly Paradigm

Certainty

Written by cbte on April 28th, 2010

As much as we crave uncertainty, spontaneity, and surprise – we crave certainty.  I want adventure in my life, but I also want that one corner of my brain to hold onto the things that I know I will always believe.  The memories I will always hold dear.  The people I will always love.  Excitement and surprise are like the lighter fluid for a fire, while certainty is the wood – constantly burning.  Certainty forms the foundation of happiness.

So how do you know what you’re certain about?  First, you examine your belief system.  Religion, morals, standards.  When soemone asks you about these things, you don’t have to think about the answers – they’re just there.  They aren’t things that you often change your mind about, and if you do, you don’t waver quickly from one idea to the other.

What memories do you hold dear?  Perhaps special moments during your childhood.  The first time you stood up for yourself and felt proud about it.  Your first kiss with the love of your life.  You don’t have to decide if these memories bring you joy or not – they just do.  You can feel it.

How about people?  Do you love your parents?  Do you know without a doubt that they will always be there for you?  Do you feel it in your heart?  I wager that everyone has at least one close friend that they know they will never lose, no matter what.  What about someone you love?  Do you feel that person’s unconditional commitment to you?  Do you feel your commitment to him or her?

As I have spent the past weeks discovering who I really am and how I want to share myself with others, I’ve discovered much about my own need for certainty.  But… there’s a twist.  If I asked you what you were certain about, say, with regard to your beliefs, you’d respond with something obvious.  A religion you are already practicing.  A relationship with God that you are already fully engaged in.  Something that is already in motion.

If you ask me the same question, the answer begins to head off the taken path, but it loses none of its validity.  There are things I am certain about right now that are not in motion.  However, I know – I am certain – that I will get to the place I can already see in my mind – where those things are in motion.  You might say that notion is bogus, but I beg to differ.  Nay, I simply differ.  No begging necessary.  I know – I am certain – because I can feel these things in my heart.  I know without a doubt what’s in store for me, because I have the power to choose.

I arduously make this point because it’s extremely easy to be side-tracked with distractions and lose focus.  To use a music analogy (which I love, of course), it’s like writing half of the first movement of a symphony and quitting because it’s not finished yet.  The composer knows his intended finished product.  Sure, there might be added ornamentation here and there, but to quit prematurely is to rob yourself of the greatest gifts you could possibly give yourself.  Goals aren’t unattainable just because the end result isn’t in your hand already.  Things worth fighting for aren’t that easy.  That’s what makes them so much more amazing when you get them.

As I continue to make monumental changes in my life, trepidation is quick to attempt a coup on my efforts.  It tells me that I won’t succeed, that I won’t be who and what I need to be.  But you know what I have to say to that?  I already am who and what I need to be.  I am everything I can be in this moment, and that is all that matters.  “The future” is just a figure of speech.  The future is really an enactment of the present.  I am asking 105% of myself, so if I only give 100%, I’ll be doing just fine.  “The future” is not important to me – it only matters how I live my life right now.

As bits of certainty in my life fog up, I simply wipe the fog away to see that it was only unjustified fear.  I know what I’m certain about, and I know exactly what I need to do to make my dreams realities.  And guess what?  I’m already taking action.