Written by cbte on March 31st, 2010
When we seek to enact change, in order to prove something to someone else, we miss the point completely. The reason we want to change is to “fix our flaws”; however, when we are aiming to prove our capabilities to someone else, we aren’t really fixing “our flaws” – we’re fixing “our flaws through the eyes of another.”
The hardest part about change is letting go of the initial motives. Change is something that must be sought out by you, for you. If you’re doing it for anything or anyone else, you won’t change. You must have the desire to find your true heart and to be the person God made you to be.
As soon as you accept this truth, you begin to see where the need for change originated. My need for change originated from a wound from my father, long ago. When I was young, he convinced me that it was not okay to express myself. That transformed from a wound of confusion to a wound of fear. I became afraid to express myself in every way – that I would not come across as genuine. Through communication, through actions, even through music. As soon as this began to affect other people, I sought out to mend the wound – but I had no idea how to, and I couldn’t do it on my own. Trying to mend your own wound is like Clark Griswold trying to stop a water leak in the Hoover Dam.
The beautiful part of all this is that God is willing to enter your wound and show you how to heal it. As soon as you stop trying to fix yourself, and you let God show you the way, your wound starts to heal. I’ve surrendered my wound to God, and He has already shown me much more than I’ve ever known about how to mend it. Last night, I did something that I’ve never done before because I’ve always been too afraid. With God by my side, I made that decision, and as I followed through, he continued to suture my wound. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders, and the blood loss slowed. Although I still have much to learn, I could feel bits of me being transformed into the man God made me to be.
The important part is that you can’t change yourself to prove something to other people. You can only seek out to heal your wound in order to become the person God made you to be. As God steps in to heal your wound, share His love with those close to you, so that they may have hope for healing their wounds.
Written by cbte on March 30th, 2010
When you feel like you’ve lost everything that matters to you, it’s easy to give up hope. Giving up all hope is playing by the rules. The rules that have been put in place to make you think you’re not worth it, you don’t deserve it, and you can never attain it. These are the same rules that tell you not to take risks because you will inevitably fail. These rules tell you that you’ll always be just less than good enough. You simply cannot follow these rules. They must be broken.
When you give up your hope, you surrender to the enemy. You surrender yourself to making the same mistakes you made before. You surrender your dignity and your passion. You tell the enemy, “You’re right, I’m just not cut out for it.” The only thing surrendering your hope achieves is taking you back to square one.
You might ask God, “Why did You do this to me?” That’s not the right question. The right question is, “What do you want me to learn from this, and how can I grow from it?” When something you love is taken from you, you shouldn’t ask God why it happened, or for Him to fix it for you. If you want it badly enough, you have to surrender to God. You have to ask God to enter your wound and show you how to heal it.
The hardest part is waiting. But if you do, He will speak to you. You have to let everything go and await His voice, and His words will guide you to where you need to be. Blaming God does nothing. That’s the enemy trying to get you to give up. You must resist this path. If you truly want to reclaim that which matters most to you, you must let God fix you first. Once your wound is healed, you will be a stronger person. A better person. A person who has what it takes to win.
Losing hope is giving up, and you cannot give up. Allow God to mend your flaws and wounds, and you will come out even stronger than before. Don’t worry, He’ll help you fix the rest.
Written by cbte on March 29th, 2010
I’ve spoken before about not giving up on your dreams. The same principal stands true today. Whether it’s a New Year’s Resolution, a personal promise to yourself, or something you are fiercely passionate about – don’t give up on it. When everything seems to be lost, it can be very easy to bow out and give up. I can’t guarantee that you’ll get what you’re looking for every time, but I can guarantee you that anything you love is worth fighting for.
When you feel something you love start to slip away, you’ll know if it’s worth it or not to fight for it. If it starts to leave you, and you feel no remorse, ditch that project, that idea, that thing. It doesn’t mean enough to you to keep pursuing it. But if something you love is taken from you, and your insides churn every hour of the day, your heart doesn’t stop racing, and you can’t get any enjoyment out of anything at all until you get that thing back – keep fighting for it. You might not get what you want, but you need to fight for it. You need to do anything humanly possible to keep that amazing thing in your life.
God will see your perseverance, and so will those who it matters to most. If you believe in something, and you know it’s true in your heart, don’t ever give up on it.
Written by cbte on March 22nd, 2010
One of my unfortunate traits is that I try to avoid confrontations by pleasing others. This has been the case with some of my recent wedding planning. Although it may seem to put a Band-Aid on some problems, the wounds are much deeper than the surface. This is perhaps my first big life lesson for my marriage.
Honesty is of utmost importance when communicating with your spouse/significant other. Telling the truth right off the bat will always be easier than beating around the bush to make someone happy. Stalling the occurence of a problem doesn’t eliminate the problem.
Take action now, and don’t let your true opinion go unheard. It will only strengthen your relationship.
Written by cbte on March 20th, 2010
Debt-Free Friday is a double-entendre. My last name is Friday, and the day of the week is Friday. Also, I’m debt-free. This is derived from Dave Ramsey’s ritualistic Friday radio and TV shows, where people who have recently become debt-free call in and talk about their experiences. My apologies for not getting this posted yesterday.
Today, I experienced a financial “first.” Almost every financial experience I have from here on out will be a “first” because everything I’m now doing – I’m doing debt-free. For the past 6 years I’ve been living with debt, so financial decisions feel completely different now.
New Abilities
A lot of people want to hear about what you can do for yourself when you get out of debt, rather than hearing about what you can do for others. I will be sharing both sides of this story, but today’s anecdote involves doing something for me.
My car has been making groaning, pinging, popping, and creaking sounds for about 2 years. I’ve performed almost all of the maintenance on it myself, and I’ve learned many things along the way. As you now know, I will soon be selling my car and replacing it with a bicycle; however, I want to make sure that my car is in the absolute best condition it can be in before I give it a new owner. Solution? Stop the pinging, popping, and creaking.
Today, I ordered $350 worth of parts for my car. Once I perform the repair and get an alignment, I will (hopefully) not be doing any more maintenance on the car besides an oil change before I sell it. This is very exciting to me. Although I’ve only ordered the parts, this car repair is already paid for in cash.
Keep in mind that having something paid for in cash does not only mean that you pay money from your personal bank account for it. It also means that you have no other debts. If I still had my student loan, and I did this repair – even with cash – I would still be moving myself $350 further from paying the loan off than if I postponed this repair.
When you buy something with your own money, it doesn’t hurt as much. Buying the steering and suspension parts for my car would usually cause me to feel discomfort for having to drift away from my primary goal of becoming debt-free and spend money on something else. However, since I’m already debt-free, I can literally do whatever I want with my money. Right now, I want to fix my car so I can sell it in good conscience. Because I am debt-free, I’m able to do that. It doesn’t hurt, and it makes my purchase feel much more “valid.”
Time for a financial tune-up.
Perhaps your budget and your wallet have begun popping and creaking lately. Is it time you sat down and wrote out a monthly budget? If you give every one of your dollars a name and a responsibility, they will go much further than where they’re going now. Throwing money at some fast food here, throwing money at a Friday night drink or two there – it’s not going to work. Your Friday night drink will be much sweeter when it’s paid for in cash and not inhibiting you from achieving your financial goals. Sacrifice now, and later you can truly enjoy life later. As Dave says, “If you live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.”
Written by cbte on March 17th, 2010
Experiences - not things - are what life is all about.
As I was “working” at my standing desk in my office today, two of my work-mates were chatting about their current goals. My office-mate wants to build a custom home, but she’s having trouble saving up for a down payment on a mortgage. My friend, who also works with me, wants a bigger house than the one he has now. They were both talking about the hassles of home-ownership. I’ve never shared my opinion on the subject, until today.
I’ve been friends with one of my coworkers since I met him in college three years ago. As he was chatting with my office-mate about problematic garage cement, he said, “It’s only a matter of time until you have to deal with this stuff.” I responded, “I’m never going to have to deal with that stuff.” He told me that I would absolutely have to deal with garage issues, backyard deck issues, and even lawn issues. Keep in mind that I’ve only hinted at the fact that I want to live in a small house to him.
I said, “I’m not going to live in a conventional house… my house won’t have a garage.” He was dumbfounded. So was the girl who works in my office, who was participating in this conversation. I said, “My house probably won’t be any more than 300 square feet, and I’m going to sell my car and replace it with a bicycle.” He joked that I had to be kidding, and my female office-mate nearly lost it. He said, “What are you supposed to do when you want to get away from the other person living in your house?” Referring to my future bride, of course 
One of my strongest convictions is that living small will keep your relationship fresh and maintained – like a well-oiled bike chain.
I know that living in a small area will not only help me to maintain my relationship with chesapeake. I claim that it will improve our relationship. Being physically close to each other constantly will force us to be more honest with each other than most couples ever imagine they’ll have to be. This will invoke a raw, pure love that is stronger than re-bar.
1. I want to turn my wants into realities – not restrict them to being only dreams.
My friend – from earlier – relayed a message from his wife. She said that they should pay off their debt so that he could stay home to help raise their next child. I don’t have to hope for a similar outcome because I already know I will be staying at home to raise my child – with my wife – because I value that experience more than working at a job simply to keep up with the car payments, the house payments, the credit card payments, and the like. If I chose to drown myself in debt for the rest of my life, it would be impossible to stay home and raise a child.
2. I want to enjoy experiences – not stuff.
My favorite things are not things at all. My trip to Italy and Austria with the youth orchestra. My recent trip to South Carolina to visit my best friend. My random excursions with my (now) fiancée to Whole Foods, IKEA, and many other places. Discussions with friends. Smiles from my fiancée.
My favorite things are not my iPod, my MacBook, and my surround sound system. In fact, I could lose them all right now, and I’d be fine. I will not ever be ruled by “stuff.” There’s not a material possession in the world that could provide me enough joy to go into debt to acquire it. The Weepies said it best – nothing else will do. I could lose all of my material possessions at once, and as long as I have my chesapeake, I will be just fine.
3. The things I want to pursue.
The list is simple. Music, Health, Creativity, and Love. Those are the only things that matter to me. I will always be learning new things about music. I will always be aiming for better health. I will always be creating new things. And I will always be focused on the love of my life. If these things are in place, I can’t go wrong.
To close, I’m going to alter the chorus to The Weepies’ song I previously referenced. This is an ode to my chesapeake.
No amount of big house, No amount of car,
No amount of clutter, Not a credit card,
No, no, no, no, no,
Nothing else will do, I’ve gotta have you
What do I want from life? I want chesapeake to open up a folding chair with me and enjoy the breeze.
Written by cbte on March 16th, 2010
As you may know, I will soon be radically changing the way I commute. I will be selling my car and relying on cycling and public transit to get where I need to go. The first task in this paradigm shift is choosing a proper bicycle. I know almost nothing about the small differences between different types of bikes, so perhaps some random Google searchers can help me out here.
The Situation
Since I will be going “car-lite” or “car-free” very soon, I’m going to be relying on a bicycle to get me around. I plan to bike to the “park-and-ride”, take public transit down a major highway, and then bike the rest of the way to my work. For grocery runs and other small errands, I plan to simply travel by bike and use the bike’s rear rack to transport items. Here’s some more info.
Requirements
It’s important to me to keep a list of requirements for the commuter bicycle I choose. If I’m going to buy a bike that will replace my car, it’s going to be a pretty awesome bike. Here are my requirements:
- front and rear fenders
- chain guard
- rear rack
- hub-powered lights
So those are the physical requirements I demand of a commuter bike. Once those requirements are met, there are a few things I want from a bike.
Wants
My morning/afternoon commute to/from the park-and-ride is approximately 6 miles on frontage roads. I want to be able to go fast. I don’t know what normal and top speeds are for cyclists, but I don’t want to take an hour to get 6 miles down the freeway. Call me crazy if I’m out of my mind, but I would like to cruise at about 20-30mph on the frontage road. I know that most of the speed is dependent on my physical condition, but I also know that it’s not feasible to go that fast on a mountain bike.
I would also like to ride in complete comfort. I don’t want a hardcore triathlon bicycle that will inevitably give me a sore backside all day, but I also don’t want a cruiser bike only suitable for riding up and down the beach. I want compromise. I want a comfortable, smooth, and fast ride.
Findings
I’ve found 2 bikes that satisfy my requirements and wants – as far as I know. They are:
Gary Fisher Simple City 3
Raleigh Detour Deluxe 2008
You’ll notice that the Raleigh Detour Deluxe meets all my requirements, while the Gary Fisher does not. As far as the rear rack goes, I figure with the cost difference between the two, I can afford to buy the extra parts and install them myself on the Gary Fisher. I do like the design of the Raleigh Detour better than the design of the Gary Fisher, but it’s more expensive. This is the paradox of choice at work.
So what do you think? Which bike would you choose? Would you choose one that I don’t have listed here? Talk to me, internet.
Written by cbte on March 14th, 2010
If you watch the show Chuck, you know that Morgan didn’t want to stick around the Buy More and be a dill weed. He wanted to move to Hawaii and be a Benihana chef. He might not have been completely successful, but he went for it.
Here is my ambition. I want to be my own boss. I want to work on my own time. I want to work from wherever I want. I want to always be fueled and fascinated by the output of my work. I want to automate my income and focus completely on improving the areas of my life I care about most. These areas include music (composition, comprehension, and horn playing), health (diet and fitness), and relationships (being a husband, a son, a friend, and some day a father).
I have always wanted to be in a “secure place” before aiming for these ambitions head on, and I am now in that place. I am debt-free and more confident than ever. This is my public announcement. As of today, I am starting my journey to awe. I will do everything in my power to attain absolute freedom, and I will succeed. I will post my successes as a motivator for others, and hopefully others will share their successes with me.
Come on this ride with me.
Written by cbte on March 12th, 2010
The title of this post is a bit of a double-entendre. My last name is Friday, and today is a Debt-Free Friday. If you listen to Dave Ramsey, you know that on Fridays he takes calls from people who have recently become debt-free. I will be posting weekly – on Fridays – about the things I am now able to do because I am debt-free.
If you need a bit more background, I’ve recently become debt-free. Since paying off Sallie Mae – my last debt – a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Actually, I took that burden and drop-kicked it out of my life. I’ve told a few people about my success, and their reactions have prompted this post about being young and financially responsible.
The Unspoken Heroes of Financial Responsibility
During the recent Total Money Makeover live event, chesapeake and I spoke to a couple at our table who had recently become debt-free. They paid off north of $151,000 in 49 months. That’s fantastic, right?! The woman had graduated with a degree from Baylor, and she went into K-12 teaching. She had just been promoted to Vice Principal of the school. Well, it was fantastic until I told them my situation.
I said that I had recently graduated from school with only $10,000 in student loans, and I paid them off in about 3.5 months. The woman’s response was, “Oh, that’s nothing!” Really? So because I didn’t spend $120,000 on an education that would surely win me a job making approximately $30,000 per year, I’m the fool?
There are young people everywhere who remaining financially responsible and getting no credit for it. The Baylor woman gets more credit for going into $150,000 of debt and paying it off than I do for staying out of big messes like that completely. When a young person graduates from college with little or no consumer debt, that person needs to be congratulated. I claim that it is more of a challenge to stay out of messes completely than to cause them and clean them up.
So to all of the young Dave Ramsey fans, debt-haters, and fiscally responsible individuals, I applaud you. Some people think you have to fix mistakes to gain respect, but I say you get more credit for avoiding the mistakes altogether. Keep fighting the good fight, and when people brush you off as “lucky” or “having it easy,” just smile and walk on by.
Written by cbte on March 11th, 2010
In a city where it seems like every person behind the wheel of a car has a penchant for hate, you might wonder why I would ever want to go completely car-free. Perhaps you understand it completely. Either way, it’s worth going over in detail.
Driving in San Antonio traffic sucks.
My morning commute is approximately 40 minutes. If there were no traffic, it would take me approximately 15 minutes to get to my office. This means that I am dealing with the emotions of stop-and-go traffic for a good 25 minutes longer than I want to.
People merge into on-coming traffic while talking on a cell phone and looking at themselves in the mirror. People take the fast lane until the last possible moment and then nearly cause an accident merging into a congested lane. If you accelerate too much or too little, you’ll get a grimacing look of impending death from an offended driver. All of this sucks.
Car maintenance sucks.
I love working on my car. I’m an engineer by trade, so I love tinkering with things. The troubles come when I start to hear an unexpected clunk from the engine bay. When I’ve finally fixed “the clunk,” I feel accomplished and great. My personal niggles are the moments leading up to that success.
I have to spend weeks researching different car forums and blog posts about people fixing similar problems until I come up with a reasonable solution. Once I find that solution, I have to spend even more time searching for new parts to perform the repair. When I find the parts, I have to worry about the impact this repair will have on my wallet. I love working on my car, but at what cost does it become more than a hobby?
As soon as the repair is complete and I’m feeling great about myself, Murphy rears his head and sets another clunk in motion. Without fail, there is ALWAYS something else to fix on a car. An oil change, transmission fluid flush, new tires, you name it. This leads me to my next point.
You never stop paying for a car.
You know what I like about my laptop? I paid $1799 for it in December of 2006, and I haven’t had to pay a penny more for it since then. It still works. I haven’t had to change the halogen fluid or the keyboard nozzles because there is no maintenance cost. Sure, I buy software from time to time, but the actual piece of hardware requires no extra expense.
In my monthly budget, I allocate $115 to car insurance and $200 to gas. That’s $3780 per year that I must spend to keep my car functioning (legally). That doesn’t include oil changes every 6,000 miles, registration and inspection costs, new tires, or parking fees. If I invested that money each year until I turn 70, in a mutual fund averaging a 12% return, I would end up with $6,444,460.58! And that’s only gas and insurance! SIX MILLION BUCKS!
Accidents and citations induce guilt and cost lots of money.
If you’ve never gotten into an accident OR gotten a citation, consider yourself lucky. Many people do experience these unfortunate events, and they are no fun in any respect. When I’ve received citations in the past, I got mad at the police, the city, and myself. I’ve received four citations in my life, and each one of them frustrated me immensely. They induced guilt and anger that lasted for days, if not weeks. That guilt and anger hindered my productivity.
If you are at fault in an accident, you will (probably) feel guilty for causing the accident. Also, your car insurance is going to increase. Also, you’re going to have to pay a deductible to get your car fixed (assuming you don’t have a $0 deductible). Also, you’re going to have to use (and possibly pay for) a rental car while your car is being repaired. I don’t need to do a numeric example for you to realize the financial impact of a car accident.
Avoid all of these scenarios by ditching the car.
I can’t speak from experience, as I have yet to ditch my car, but that glorious moment is just around the corner. When chesapeake and I get married, we are going to downsize to only one vehicle. I’m going to use public transportation and bike everywhere I need to go. I won’t elaborate on how I think that process will go – I’ll save that for when I ditch the car.
What I do know is that relying on a bus driver to deal with traffic sounds like all sorts of relief, compared to driving in traffic every day. Riding a bike to the grocery store will not only save me a potential $6,444,460.58 (see above), it will also improve my physical condition. What more could I ask for?
The only potential downside to this proposition is that San Antonio drivers are maniacs. Riding a bike anywhere near a car in this city might seem like a death wish. I guess I’ll just have to find out for myself.
Tammy from Rowdy Kittens has recently written an e-book about going car-free. Check it out for another perspective on this subject. If you’re interested in my personal lifestyle change, stay tuned for periodic updates!
