Written by cbte on October 14th, 2009
I met the day feeling cheaper than usual
I guess you could say that I’m on sale
So take what you can while you can,
Shop now intensive
I could snap at any moment and
I might feel more expensive
I don’t owe anything to you,
I don’t owe anything to you,
You don’t know me half as well as you think you do,
I don’t owe anything, anything to you.
I met the mirror with a pricetag hanging from my ear
And in that moment, I went un-phased
So take what you can, while you can
Less conscious only means more dough.
I could snap at any moment and remember
That I was not born to be sold.
I don’t owe anything to you,
I don’t owe anything to you,
You don’t know me half as well as you think you do,
I don’t owe anything, anything to you.
I don’t owe anything to you,
I don’t owe anything to you,
You don’t know me half as well as you think you do,
I don’t owe anything, anything to you.
Written by cbte on October 13th, 2009
Lately, I’ve been suffering from post-college stress. Before and after I graduated, I flew to various parts of the country to interview for a few different jobs that were correlated in one way or another to my degree. I had mixed feelings about these interviews. They were all a good deal further away from chesapeake than I currently am – which is too far as it is. This was the main reason I didn’t rush into these situations with open arms. However, I did enjoy the process. I got to fly in airplanes (with lots of coughing children), stay in nice hotels for free, get my meals paid for, and even visit with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. This was all fantastic, and each experience has given me new perspective.
The first thing I learned is that if you take the proper steps, you will find a job. One company paid over $1,000 for my round trip plane ticket to interview with them. I don’t have a 4.0 GPA. I haven’t won the Nobel Peace Prize (although my qualifications would seem to deem me eligible…). I didn’t even perform groundbreaking research during my college years. I simply kept to it, got my degree, and didn’t suck horribly at it in the process. These simple steps got three different companies interested enough in me to offer me five different jobs. And those are only the companies I applied for. Who knows what the story would be if I had applied at fifteen different places?
The next thing I learned is more like a piece of something I’m still learning. I didn’t want to do those jobs. They were very professional. They could have led to other very professional experiences. However, I wouldn’t have been happy doing them. I’ve worked long enough to know that being even a little happy with what you’re doing is absolutely crucial. I knew that these jobs couldn’t provide me with the happiness I needed to make a true difference. So what did I do? I said no. To all of them.
The next thing I did is take four months to learn new skills. I translated what I wanted to do during college, but didn’t have time for, and I went for it. I had worked since I was fifteen, and I was ready for a “break”. I use quotes, because I didn’t sit around playing PS3 all day. Over the past four months, I’ve become very well acquainted with HTML, CSS, PHP, Javascript, JQuery, Flash, Actionscript, Photoshop, Dreamweaver, and design in general. Am I that guy that everybody knows about? No. But am I that guy that knows nothing? Absolutely not. I don’t normally give myself enough credit, but at this point in my web design education, I could probably make a decent site for a small business.
Recently, I’ve been a bit more stressed out than usual. The cause of the stress is twofold. I’ve been studying this stuff for four months, and I’m ready to start the “doing” part now. The problem is that I don’t know how. Of course, I’m slowly figuring that out, but it’s just daunting to think that I’ll have to do this all for myself, rather than having a boss or project manager lead me in the right direction. Once I came to the point where I realized, “I need to start making money”, I panicked a bit. Should I really be doing web design? Should I have taken one of those other jobs? What should I be doing?
I decided it was time to find work, whatever it may be. I would prefer it to be web design/programming, but I do have a degree in Electrical Engineering, for crying out loud. So why not use it? I’ve now begun applying to any jobs I qualify for (and some I don’t, because why not set your sights high?). I’ve applied for software engineering jobs, systems administration jobs, electrical engineering jobs, and web design jobs. I’m even considering joining the Air Force.
Herein lies the second cause of my stress. What I’m doing right now is figuring out exactly what I want to do, without stepping blindly into a puddle of job mess. I’ve worked hard my whole life, making the right choices financially and generally. I saved up money during college for this exact purpose. I’m not being immature, loading up credit cards, taking out loans and the like to fund this operation. I am not an idiot. However, there are very few people who understand this approach. This is why I love chesapeake so dearly. She sees things exactly the way I do, and she even adds extra insight to my life. When I try to explain myself to others, I’m met with doubt and redirection. At this point in my life, that doesn’t really matter, but it still adds stress.
My goal at this point is to, with chesapeake’s support, prove all the non-believer’s wrong. Whatever I end up doing, I’m going to be wildly successful at it. Whether I’m a Captain in the USAF, a hippie web designer in Colorado, or a geeky software programmer in a basement, I’m going to be unbelievable fantastic at it. The hardest part is letting go, not taking part. Really, it is. I have to let go of all the expectations of others and craft my own future. That’s what I’m doing right now, and it’s hard as hell. It really is. But I’m going to do it. I’m doing it. And as God as my witness, I will reap the fruits of my labor.